@thebenbrooks' (Ben Brooks) most faved Tweets...
So, this 'One Laptop Per Child' thing. Where do I drop off the child and where do I pick up the laptop?
Me: "I'm looking for some shoes." Clerk: "Could you be more explicit?" Me: "I'm looking for some motherfucking shoes for fuck sake."
I do not have adult attention deficit disorder. I have adult what you're saying is boring the shit out of me disorder.
Why does it always have to be "he's addicted to drugs"? Why can't it be, "he's passionate about drugs".
Just told the Mormons they could share the word of Jesus with me, if I could share my library of fisting videos with them.
I asked my wife to buy a g-string for Christmas, and she did. And though my guitar DOES sound a lot better, I admit I'm a bit disappointed.
Today I learned two valuable lessons: 1) Petting an animal can lower your heart rate. 2) That animal should not be a wolverine.
There's this really disconcerting noise when I put on the brakes in my car. It sounds sorta like, 8 empty beer bottles.
Tonight I'll be reading my 2 1/2 yr old, "The Little Engine That Needed to Give Mama & Papa Some Time Alone For The Love of Sweet Jesus."
I'm glad they outlawed texting while driving. I can finally get some use out of this calligraphy set.
NY Friend: "You're in LA, you don't have to shovel anything!" Me: "Yeah? These heaps of broken dreams wont get off the sidewalk themselves."
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