@mycorpse's (MyCorpse) most faved Tweets...
If you don't fuck your husband then someone else is going to. How come the same logic doesn't apply to making dinner?
Parenting tip: if your kids get too hyper, put on the death scene in The Lion King and remind them it's the kid's fault the dad dies.
In the '50's people drank all day and weren't labled with words like 'alcoholic'. We just called them grandma & grandpa.
It's a widely known fact if you scratch a dog's belly, his leg shakes and if you rub a woman's feet, her vagina opens.
How I wish I could have been a mom in the 70's, with no car seats and a big, hairy vagina. Such a simpler time.
I love the way SAMS club makes you show ID at the door. As if anyone would try to come in here if they didn't absolutely fucking have to.
You know why there aren't bumper stickers that say, "I heart my toddler?" Because nobody fucking does.
With hubby out of town I haven't had a lot of action lately. I'm heading to AT&T, I figure they'll stick it to me, as contractually.
Sorry I've been so quiet lately. I still haven't found a way to tweet while shaking my fist at the world, and we all have our priorities.
Huz cleaned the entire kitchen, saw we're out of coffee & made a special run to the store. My jaw already aches from the thought of payback.
I love the stereotype that housewives are meek and boring because if anyone is about to lose their shit and go postal, it's us.
I refute the age old adage about flies & honey. Truth is, you can catch way more flies with a diaper full of shit on your back porch.
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