@jane_bot's (Jane) most faved Tweets...
MY VOICEMAIL: "Leave a message motherfucka'."
MY GRANDMA'S MESSAGE: "Um. Call your grandmotherfucker, potty mouth. And go to church."
MY GRANDMA'S MESSAGE: "Um. Call your grandmotherfucker, potty mouth. And go to church."
LADY BEHIND DONUT COUNTER: "How many you want?"
ME: "Fuckloads."
LADY BEHIND DONUT COUNTER: [blank stare]
ME: "A dozen should do it."
ME: "Fuckloads."
LADY BEHIND DONUT COUNTER: [blank stare]
ME: "A dozen should do it."
I drive like I fuck; Aggressive, foul mouthed and if you hit me in the rear you can consider yourself dead.
Guy in elevator used speaker phone to talk lovey dovey w/his wife so I interupted with "Baby. You're so naughty" & a giggle. Problem solved.
Tweezing eyebrows is like bathing. No one acknowledges when you do it on a regular basis but they sure do acknowledge when you don't.
Hate work so much that I bailed before using restroom. I'd rather pee a little each time I hit a bump on ride home than stay second longer.
Bras are pockets for boobs. and cash. and sometimes my ipod. oh and weapons. and I'm not proud, food.
Girl in next stall thought my feet were her mom's: "Mom, when did you get toe rings?" I replied "I sold you to the man outside for them."
Locks of Love returned my mailed donation. Turns out they don't accept pubic hair. Wish I had known that before I took the time to braid it.
I have nicknames for majority of my coworkers. Majority of these nicknames reflect their flaws. Except for Donkey Dick. His is a positive.
I'm the girl your mothers warned you about & the girl your fathers....support financially for sexy times.
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