@gunthergreen's (Günther Green) most faved Tweets...
I worry that my son's teacher will ask him what his dad does and he'll say, "He sits at the computer in his underwear and drinks whiskey."
I love the way this song syncs up with the windshield wipers on every 23rd beat and it's not even raining and this weed is fucking awesome.
The kids filled out a card for their parents for Open House. Under "Things I am Good at:" My son wrote "speling". Not making this up.
Kids today take the internet for granted. When I was young, I had to go door to door to tell everyone about the shit I just took.
My boss called me in for a surprise drug test. I told him there was no way I would test any drugs unless I knew what they were beforehand.
I have to go to a cookout/pool party at noon. I might have to take my shirt off. I have 2 hours and 26 minutes to get in shape.
Twitter is just like Facebook except it eliminates all the stuff that sucks. Like Mafia Wars, baby photos, and people you know in real life.
Why yes officer, I've been drinking. But the car isn't going to drive itself to go get a can of Pringles. Jesus.
It's Valentine's Day tomorrow, and I don't have to buy anybody anything. Not getting laid for the past ten months is finally paying off.
I'm planning a surprise birthday party for Jesus if anyone is interested. I'm hiring some strippers. That guy hasn't gotten nailed in years.
My father just told my son he should eat his broccoli because it "puts lead in your pencil." Thanks, dad. I'll take it from here.
I was just exposed to Lady Gaga for the first time. I can't decide if I should vomit, cream my pants, cream my vomit, or vomit my pants.
Heading over to facebook for a while to find out what time that girl I banged in high school is taking her kid to hockey practice tomorrow.
I just got started on my taxes. So far, I collected all the unopened mail and called my ex-wife and asked her how many kids we have.
If you walk into a crowded men's room and want to move to the front quickly, pull your pants down to your ankles while waiting in line.
My doctor told me that drinking too much alcohol can cause liver problems. No shit, Doc. That's why God gave us TWO of them. Idiot.
I just smashed a brand new bottle of whiskey on my front walkway. Unopened. This is what it sounds like when doves cry.
Hi Gunther, it's your memory. Remember 2 hours ago when you got dressed to go to the store, but then changed your mind? You started the car.
I think it's time to wash the kitchen floor. I just walked through there and it pulled my socks off.
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