@angryoldcoot's (Angry Old Coot) recently faved Tweets...
I've been trying to nap all afternoon, but it's always "Daddy, I'm bored." "Daddy, turn on the radio." "Daddy, look out for that tree!"
"What color hair do you have Daddy?" [Pause] [Looks] "Oh yeah. Brown." Great. My daughter is a guy.
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"Daddy! At school yesterday I spelled 'science' all by myself. Wanna hear me spell it? S - I - N - S!"
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The way my daughter's dressed I'm getting Father of the Year. They have a sub-category for pimps, right?
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Yes, the glue gun was on. Yes, it was an accident. No, I don't think it's funny to call them hot crossed buns.
No one makes me laugh more than my gorgeous wife, @ashamedtosay. The scary thing: she's funnier IRL. #ff
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Employees engaging in unprofessional acts will be disciplined, unless it's Joy doing that ping pong ball trick. #cruellyspecificofficeposter
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The cameras in the stairwell are there for your safety and recording Bill and Edie's sexcapades. #cruellyspecificofficeposter
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I mentioned she didn't bring me flowers anymore. She said I'd stopped paying her. I called her a whore. She drove off in her delivery van.
@ashamedtosay It's that microphone, isn't it. If it's not in sight, she won't remember. Then I won't have to sing like a chicken anymore.
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@OhHaylYes OH MY GOD IS IT REALLY FRIDAY NOW I CAN'T TELL BECAUSE OF ALL THE RED BULL AND VODKA I'VE BEEN MAINLINING UNDER MY DESK
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Don't call it a comeback. I've been here for years. And would it kill you to turn the heat up? Your basement's really cold.
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I AM VERY INSPIRING BECAUSE PETER CETERA SAID SO NO YOU SHOULD DRINK LESS COFFEE AND LISTEN TO BETTER MUSIC
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