@Yidago's (Mr. Havercamp) most faved Tweets...
Imagine if we could merge together the brains of everone on Twitter into one person. Wow. That fucker would really love bacon.
Wisdom for my son: There are two types of married men; those who are pussy whipped and those who are about to be divorced.
Conan's tweets are funny & all but they lack that certain "open browser, log on to Twitter and type real fast before the boss sees" quality.
Browsing through the list of people following me I've come to realize there are a lot of kind and genuinely nice people on Twitter.
Block.
Block.
I really hope my wife meets a guy while she's out tonight.
Preferably one who can fix this fucking toilet.
Preferably one who can fix this fucking toilet.
I don't keep a clock in my bedroom. I just open the shade on the skylight and use my morning wood as a sundial.
Best part of having an anonymous twitter profile? This: My boss probably hides in the bathroom at Chucky Cheese and watches little boys pee.
I don't know what all the fuss is about. I prefer clean teats. I know that when I'm suckling, I...
What? Clean tweets?
Oh, fuck that.
What? Clean tweets?
Oh, fuck that.
Just threw up, took a shit and then masturbated. Or, as I like to tell the ladies, completed a triathlon.
I try to hold in my pee for as long as possible. The mounting pressure is a reminder that my penis is still functional and not merely decor.
New Year Resolutions: 1) Earn $1,000,000
2) Become handsome
3) Fuck a supermodel.
If you're gonna fail...fail big.
2) Become handsome
3) Fuck a supermodel.
If you're gonna fail...fail big.
Wife said she cleaned *really* well in case I want to go down on her later.
There seems to be some confusion about whose birthday it is.
There seems to be some confusion about whose birthday it is.
Ahhh...alone in the office. I love this. It's quiet, I can get work done without any....huh? Now how the hell did my dick end up in my hand?
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