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@MrBigFists
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Friends: 572
Followers: 4,048
Favs Given: 40,887
Favs Rec'd: 73,595
@MrBigFists' (Jonathan) recently faved Tweets...
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Turns out my chocolate rabbit's foot isn't so lucky. It just melted all over my pants. Oh. My mistake. That's just dog crap... Still lucky.
@
MrBigFists
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True story. When I first received an LOL in an email, I thought it stood for "Lots of luck". To this day, that still makes more sense to me.
@
MrBigFists
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LOL is the new awkward laugh that indicates something was intended to be funny... LOL.
@
MrBigFists
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@kellyoxford
"I've had it to here!" best neck tattoo.
@
MrBigFists
in reply to
kellyoxford
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Pardon my French but I burnt your toast.
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MrBigFists
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Your breasts are so adorable. They're like two tiny packaging bubbles. I just want to pop them. #putdownpickuplines
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MrBigFists
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I usually date younger women but with your adult onset acne you look young enough. #putdownpickuplines
@
MrBigFists
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It's no wonder your smile stole my heart because your teeth are crooked. #putdownpickuplines.
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MrBigFists
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DAMN GIRL! I don't know what's hotter, your buns or your rolls. #putdownpickuplines.
@
MrBigFists
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I sure would like to be the Muffin Man to your muffin top. #putdownpickuplines.
@
MrBigFists
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The best approach to picking up women is to chip away at their self esteem by putting them down 1st. Here are some lines the guys can use.
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MrBigFists
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You would think with how often she's posed the question, I would have a clue of what exactly "The problem with me" is.
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MrBigFists
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You may be right dear but before I can definitively say that strip clubs are dens of debauchery, I'll have to do some extensive research.
@
MrBigFists
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@abigvictory
Did you have the dream where undergarments are not judged by the color of their fabric but by the contents of their cups?
@
MrBigFists
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abigvictory
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And a Happy Birthday to
@emilybrianna
. The only avatar that bites her way to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
@
MrBigFists
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Have fun celebrating your Birthday in the desert
@thebenbrooks
of Arabia. Try not to dry hump a camel this time.
@
MrBigFists
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I forgot to put on deodorant today but not to worry, if this urinal cake is good enough for the bathroom then it's good enough for me.
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MrBigFists
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One final #FF to the man who introduced me to many of you and who's humor far eclipses my own. Do yourself a favor and follow
@plaid_lemur
.
@
MrBigFists
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I bet Jesus scoffs at people walking in CROSSwalks because they're bearing nothing but brief cases and grocery bags.
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MrBigFists
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I always think of trail mix when I read
@trelvix
's name, which isn't far off because I'm convinced the man is nuts. A great follow. #FF
@
MrBigFists
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